Personal Reflections for the Journey

I see a new moon rising, not a blood moon, but one clear and bright as the sun… Under her light, I offer and sacrifice my fragile ego, to find my true or higher self… I dreamt last night, I was given a task but roamed in search of other things in its completion… I encountered a symbol of authority, and did my best to assist him… I wonder at its meaning. I am still possessed by visions of myself bathed in red, in blood, righteous rage and fury possessing me, as I stalk forward in search of the enemy, to battle him… I feel the taste of blood in my mouth..do I see a crown? Is this light my fury, or symbolic of slaughter? In seeking my self, the SELF, I must separate from the persona, like when my mask was pulled from me, but be able to view it objectively..come to learn my shadow as well, without identifying with them as being my whole self, only a part..the ego is not the self, but only the part that is conscious..I am more, and must awaken the sleeping aspects of myself..bring light to what is shrouded in darkness… the shadow is my reverse, what i lack, that which i fail to see…what am I projecting as a consequence? How do I find the dragon that has swallowed me..this rage that has filled my mind, visions bathed in red, is this my shadow? Can I begin to incorporate it into my self?

How..through work..I must channel it into something productive..my shadow is blood red light, the taste of blood, both my own and my enemy’s, and it is the lust that consumes me…has my sense of morality become a guise for cowardice? I must execute a controlled burn of my subconscious, removing the dead and down, the weak parts of myself that serve no purpose, burn away the old self seek now to balance the light and the dark in that holy equilibrium…let new self in..it is regen…how to integrate my lust

“The Anima part of the psyche is that which bridges the opposite positions of spirit and matter. Without anima they are in enemy positions, There is a separation of spirit and matter. There is no vinculum amoris (bond of love) to unite them, for the anima is lacking.”

..I feel in these times when I engage in behaviors that I typically try to avoid, it is because I am missing something..lacking..so I try to get that need met a different way, but maybe there is an alternative that I am missing

Why do I crave such absolution

Music in my heart as I carry my sword into the fray

“Oh, you don’t like real girls..”

a hero that doesn’t matter, not the promised

In the process of individuation, one of the initial tasks is to differentiate the ego from the complexes in the personal unconscious, particularly the persona, the shadow and anima/animus. A strong ego can relate objectively to these and other contents of the unconscious without identifying with them.

by St. John of the Cross:

“… it is most fitting and necessary, if the soul is to pass to these great things, that this dark night of contemplation should first of all annihilate and undo it in its meannesses, bringing it into darkness, aridity, affliction and emptiness; for the light which is to be given it is a Divine light of the highest kind, which transcends all natural light, and which by nature can find no place in the understanding… And thus it is fitting that, if the understanding is to be united with that light and become Divine in the state of perfection, It should first of all be purged and annihilated as to it’s natural light, and, by means of this dark contemplation, be brought actually into darkness. This darkness should continue for as long as is needful in order to expel and annihilate the habit which the soul has long since formed in it’s manner of understanding, and the Divine light and illumination will then take its place.“

Am I Iacchus or Eros..be the redeemer

Searching for a mother goddess.. disappointed when she is an ordinary human being… Once satisfied sexually, the interest dissipates and the search for another begins.. inferiority complex, false feelings of superiority.. there is a need to commit oneself to the moment, abandon the hope or ideal of a promised future and ideal situation/person..

Be wary of your legacy.. your patronage is one who is always on the run, feet never touching the ground, what am I fleeing.. if I am an agent of destiny, how can I then be subject to external blows of fate..through not committing to anything.. it is the weak ego complex which prevents work, unless a place where the psychological energy can flow naturally can be found..

What are my devils, what are my angels

Contact with the anima is the cure to recovery.. One must experience real feeling in the conscious reality inner and outer..the anima is the bridge, by valuing something the spirituality of it is recognized and felt.. become grounded and allow for uninhibited response.. The problem is I have associated with the transpersonal through my death, and this reality pales in comparison… Must find something profoundly spiritual in this existence on this plane to surpass this existence..surpass the instinct to self destruct, and instead find author psychological breakthrough..

Is the fear that my potential will be capped? No longer unlimited when I am assigned a linear role in life instead of flying, hovering..the senex (wise old man is the compensatory archetype) do I run from him because it imposes limitations?

Is attaining the ego the death of possibilities? Am I so connected to the self that I am unable to turn my energy outwords?

Fear of suffocation, Of being consumed by my own needs, that matter will destroy spirit

Mother complex implies an inability to take ones natural gifts and talent and realize them in the real world.. to fly up is to lose ones soul, The work begins when facing the internal reality..with pain..the trauma is a gateway to become conscious and lose the possession.. discover a conduit for the gift..have I married death? I must introject the father, discover the Senex and forgive my absent father..redefine myself as needing to obey the laws of gravity as opposed to rejecting my fathers rules ,

Must face objective truth of the situation, of my situation, Face reality and fit into the system.. get in touch with the genuine

The ego is swallowed up in suicidality, death instinct, psychosis… This must be paired with a sacrifice in order to attain transcendence..

My sacrifice is to shear my wings..to commit to something..to let go of having all the women, and move towards choosing one

He makes love to his projection cast over the real thing…

The destroyer is the repressed shadow unrecognized unrealized, the lover is the holy union driving upwards, the creator is unrecognized potential borne of imagination, identification of the encoded life mission

The heroes journey is spiral not linear, let go of old truths and sacrifice these ideas to be born again..my kingdom is the life I am manifesting

Perhaps to rescue my father, I must look unflinching at the suffering of the world and the dark malevolence of man and combat it, seeking to maximize my potential against this enemy..and lift a weight of meaning, carry a burden for the betterment of all..sacrifice what I could be for what I am

Am I inescapably hardwired for hedonistic short term gratification..or can I discover the divine locus of consciousness vs. disposable pornographic image

Refuse To Die In Sickness Nor Live The Long Life Of A Shameful Greybeard. I Must Die By The Sword. I Will Die In Honor

Cut the thread of fate ..has another thread been spun?

Embrace conflicting thoughts, feelings, and urges, as aspects of my many selves, each part of a singular whole..the gods and goddesses within me..there is a fool in us all, reminding me to not take myself so seriously

Making the climb to 99..LEVEL UP

I will answer the call,

I will face the dark

I will slay the dragon,

I will find myself

Moses wandered the desert in search of paradise, but first endured much suffering..I am a wanderer still, feet fearing the ground, afraid of becoming ensnared..committing to the path is the next step..seeking truth, yearning to find the grail, some holy chalice symbolic of meaning…my desert is this provisional life..

Define romantic attitude of the adolescent? How does mature romance look? Likely with a projected culmination..pursuit with a purpose, not lofty words for the sake of stoking fires..

This impulse is upward and outward, I feel the fire down below, MOVE! FLY!! GROW!!!

Move through this void..this dark night of contemplation, trust in your purpose- to find yourself, discover my soul, and that there are rewards to reap, otherwise you would have walked away long ago

Which of my choices have been programmed by others..what images am I seeking..are my fantasies my own?

Move from WANDERER (closed off, terrified of intimacy, iconoclastic) to SEEKER (committed to self and journey)by opening up to seeking spiritual depth and true authenticity..open your spirit, truly.. A wanderer is not committed to the journey, and has a need to be independent, different, and moving on. Unable to commit or really bond, always waiting on the fated princess to come… We may hold a job, but know it is not our “real “work… Life always seems to be empty as we yearn for Paradise or at least something better. Connect to your spirit… Find something deep and eternal within you..

What is sacred to me

The guide says that dreams are the doorway to the subconscious, yet why do they flee from me… I reach for them desperately with claw like fingers, yet they resin elusive..because I pursue? Instead of coming naturally? I often awake with a sense of..disconnection, or loss

And in my darkest moment, fetal and weeping

The moon tells me a secret, my confidant

As full and bright as I am

This light is not my own and

A million light reflections pass over me

Its source is bright and endless

She resuscitates the hopeless

Without her, we are lifeless satellites drifting

And as I pull my head out I am without one doubt

Don't want to be down here soothing my narcissism

I must crucify the ego before it's far too late

I pray the light lifts me out

Why would so be scared of that guy? I’m the one who killed that guy, remember??

Maybe it’s time for me to be who I am instead of who I’m supposed to be

What does it mean for me to have experienced a physical death and rebirth, but not a spiritual one..the old self must die to give birth to the new

ask the demons what they are there to teach me..

Anima is soul..

Without the anima development, a man finally arrives at a place in his life where he realizes his life is without meaning. This is an indication that he has some work to do with his anima. The man who recalls his anima projections and becomes to himself what he longs to find outside himself finds that his suffering is worthwhile, for it i him a deeper, more vibrantly alive, and creative human being.

Feeling as if in a bubble..what is this persona I am seeking to project..how to be authentic when the true expression of self would result in isolation, when already lonely..desperate for connection

Birds sing flying around

You never see them too long on the ground

You wanna be one of them, yeah

You wanna be one of them, yeah

When will the fantasy end? Yeah

When will the heaven begin? Yeah

I am so desperate for connection, to be heard, to be valued, so eager to be the force of light to others I wish to be, but my flame does not burn as I wish it to..it is diminished, dull, ebbing, guttering..weak, I fan it with my breath, but the result is just meaningless hot air, contributing to only inconsequential white noise, distracting drivel, made all the more distasteful by the underlying desperation to be found of worth..am I clinging to this shadow still?? What is it I should be..who am I truly..am I trying to be who I was? Am I finding who I am? Is the effort of intellect it’s undoing, in some way producing an underlying insincerity?

..is this the first time my identity is based outside of my position? My title? Core identity..

It’s like I’m trying to be the man I am used to being, the person I think I am, but I cant keep up- I’m not able to operate at that pace of wit and attention and thought, I lag behind like some kind of broken thing, struggling to banter and embody the energy that is in my heart, but it’s so hard to be this vibrant thing, this force of light and joy, it burns in my heart but the will is a dull grey, a dying fire, I am left choking on the ashes, I spit them out of my mouth as they poison, infect, weaken my words, like a cancer- making them fall flat and with little effect, easily ignored and lost..

be wary of becoming Icarus

You are like the orphan, becoming the rebel, not accepting offered connection because you fear it being severed..or because it will weigh you down when seeking to remain aloft? P

Antidote to loss is purpose,

To addiction, is connection

Become a beacon

What’s your source of strength

Searching for your Moses moment

Amnesia is a life/ your life reduced to/ of half remembered dreams

Welcome home the orphaned parts of myself, the broken pieces, like the return of the prodigal son- with honor, and joy, despite the sins of the so he is welcomed back with a feast

I have cut away the hurt pieces..the pain..this is why I am not whole, I have to feel the hurt, and accept help from others who are hurt..which pieces of myself have I cut away?

Don't you know that a man is only made for his calling?

Accept I am a wandering orphan, need to identify and face my hurt, accept that no one will save me, and medicating only exacerbates, incorporate the warrior and be a rebel, seeking to save others in the wasteland

To learn to live and to die, and in order to be a man, to refuse to be a God

It is disconnection I fear, being unloved, I break away to protect which only serves to further disconnection..give yourself permission to be imperfect

Is spiritual success achievable with commensurate success in the physical world?

My God they died young. Theolatry I found

Degrading, and its premises, unsound.

No free man needs a God; but was I free?

How fully I felt nature glued to me

Blazing, devouring Fire, The fever of madness, the raging arrows of death, The inseminating fury of sex, the ardor of the ascetic

To burn myself completely..burn the house down, this ego, to live purely in the moment, allowing yourself to stop living to fit in or please others, revealing my innate wisdom, moving towards the transcendent

Zen..allowing oneself to be, one with the cosmos without guile, sophistication or premeditation..to express yourself as you are, to BE

It is safe again to trust because of the acquired resilience

The dying pray at the last not ‘please’ but ‘thank you’- pilgrim at tinker creek

I must befriend the fool within me, and keep him fat and happy, so he does not seek to possess me

Shame today..I have neglected my quest, pursuing the promise of flesh and the soothing balm of this affectionate attention..I am lost again, wandering between two worlds, but not the one within against the world without..the road to the cave has been overgrown, abandoned, in lieu of a boat to pleasure island..I feel more trapped now than ever, trying so hard to be loved and to fit in..but failing, because of that fear of connection like the hand that raises out to protect the body from a fall..

I must reenter this dark night of contemplation..the mysteries..I longed for the light too eagerly, too soon..

Facing darkness and choosing light is the most profound calling of all

This lust has subjugated the feminine..she is darkened, shrouded, smeared with black tar.. to realize my higher self I must remind myself of the strength I possess, and be lonely, and in need, to discover the sacred feminine, her power and beauty, and begin to incorporate it into myself..my masculine will meet and match her in time, she spoke to me through the cards to remind me that my path is blessed, and that I have the power to realize this goal..do not become distracted or tempted from the path, I hold the key to my own destiny..the sirens call is to explore the darkness, to begin to do so without shame..to become more discerning is my call

Control is returning..over this desire, I realize it is this hollowness that I am seeking to fill..work is not enough, how to fill myself, am I enough?

She had a Rosemary tattoo..hard to ignore the signs at this point

I feel it now, the rage, it’s source, I have become this blunt object..a tool for dull work.. if communication is the bridge from my inner world to others, and something like- a primary pathway for me to give and receive love, then that is now fractured, an unstable bridge, of splintered wood, the rage follows closely- if I cant have my love then the world must burn, I will smash all that is beautiful if it chooses to run from me..denied love through my own..ignorance, weakness, frailty, fills me with rage, it’s for myself but directs outwards

What is the state of my internal kingdom…?

Atonement is seeking a return to one-ness, to harmony..

I am seeking wholeness, I must understand the disparate parts of myself

Discernment..this word keeps appearing..what is its antonym

I see in myself shadow possession of the seeker, the lover, and the fool..I must begin to incorporate my magician and sage, to become the ruler.. the seeker and puer are synonymous..does the shadow lover possess me when I am unable to say no? The innocent must be stronger in me, to gain its gift of trust and optimism towards greater discernment

Horrific dreams..lustful images fill my head as I lay it down, spiders and crabs flowing from every open orifice of these objects of my desire, then being brutalized and forced upon by foul beasts of men with twisted features..is this my repressed shadow, boiling over?

I see my face bloody and broken, but both jaw and shoulder set and firm

Are my heart and mind both liminal spaces?

there is probably no more terrible instant of enlightenment than the one in which you discover your father is a man – with human flesh : sayings of muad’dib

The old feelings return..feeling lost, passed by those ascending..seeing the face of youth in all of its beauty and excellence, full of vigor, wanting to smash it..so strange this feeling

There is this feeling that resonates… It is pervasive, like I am a radio signal that only transmits static… They are as beautiful melodic, harmonious music, I see the sym r be bolic holy youth of unlimited potential, it serves as a beautiful mirror, reflecting back only my shadows in my darkness… showing me My demons and self-hatred… Anger and fury arise bordering on madness, wanting to smash such perfection to feel normal again… Why do I struggle here when it has always been so easy for me? Why do I try so hard, SO FUCKing hard to fit in, be liked… Be loved… Because I don’t love myself? My energy is so different here… So different from theirs… they bring me back to youth, I feel regressed into immaturity, days as this young officer held in such bright colors in the recesses of my fragile mind..but I lost those times, they were torn from me, erased as if they were never real… I want so desperately those days back, but I can’t reengineer them here… It’s not the same, I am not the same… My feeble attempts to fit in our woefully inadequate.. all I can be is myself, but how to do so when this person is still a stranger to me

Images from my murky past

Still framed photos with an aura of glory

Freeze frames of joy and bright flames burning fast

Flash forward to the hardships of this new story

Feeling torn in half like

who am I truly

Find this higher self

by diving in fully

Conquer my darkness by

building a fire

Out through the bottom is the only way higher

Waterfalls coming out my mouth

(See lyrics note and add sparingly)

Free me..free me..why do I seek freedom from them, what is holding me prisoner

On her face under a blood red sun

Melancholy thoughts of this undead son

The breath of Gods feed these flames

Meaning found in metaphor, iridescent frames

Tristan and Isolde.. when we lie, when we speak in these lofty words and phrases, often this language is communicating an unrealized unconscious desire or need, so we must ask ourselves what this lie is really communicating from deep within ourselves… A truth exists underneath.. transform her aggression into relatedness.. speak without guile, wake up to my own needs and offer love with authentic relation, with something of a man’s time and effort.. in searching for the enema, she must be treated as an equal, lest she become a force of destruction

The multiplicity of the gods correspondence to the multiplicity of man… Jung

Seeking ecstasy everywhere, but the experience of happiness is ephemeral, Society is bankrupt of feeling, so like an addict hooked on the first glow of Romantic love moving from lover to lover..

While we may think of ourselves as unique individuals, we are an amalgamation of archetypes, these gods within ourselves, understanding and integrating them is the key to real personal change.

Can the sacred feminine purify me of my madness, and initiate me into the mysteries?

Within the experience of joy, is the irrational wisdom of the senses, towards the souls transcendence

Impulses which are driven back, become all the more powerful, out of control, inhuman

Because of the relative safety that we experience, we do not fear the wild beast, but the forces of our own psyche, we no longer face our own monsters

Transcendence through suffering, a symptom of western Christianity? In a similar vein, neckties symbolically separate mind from body, losing touch with the sensuous to become rational beasts..cannot be self imposed suffering, redemptive suffering is meaningful, it is in The response to suffering

Men and women are allocated separate psychological experiences, the spirit and soul, logic and discrimination versus emotion and intuition..coloring book

The anima and animus should function as a bridge, or a door, leading to the images of the collective unconscious, as a persona should be a sort of bridge into the world- Jung

See my partner as a human, not as an idealized image,

The four functions: in two opposing pairs, thinking and feeling, intuition and sensation… First rational, second irrational

Thinking concerns rational intellectual functioning, feeling is regarding values, intuition implies a nonverbal perception of things, sensation lay in receiving the physical world…

“ sensation is to establish that something exists, thinking tells us what it means, feeling is what value is, and intuition surmise whence it comes and goes” Jung

What is my inferior function? this is where the God will enter

Meaningful ritual and ceremony affirm our relationship to the sacred, our inner nature needs acknowledgment from our conscious personality as much as our egos need to remember their source in the collective unconscious

Art is an extension and expression of the spiritual dimension

An act performed with symbolic intent sets up an exchange between the unconscious and the conscious that allows for progression towards unity

She is both and, not either or ..anima and woman

Romantic love has supplanted religion as the arena in which men women and seek meaning, transcendence, wholeness, and ecstasy.. Love is the vehicle through which we find this meaning revealed in another human being.. but it is a medieval belief that the ecstatic adoration of another carries for us the image of perfection..

(We- Robert Johnson)

To identify the psychic wound is to find the path to consciousness

A myth is something that is true on the inside, but not true on the outside.. reflecting a dream held within the collective unconscious of a people

Hope in the heart of man lives on lean pasture

The psyche is androgynous.. made of both feminine and masculine, with the feminine quality viewed as the capacity for relatedness and love, while the masculine has the ability to wield power, control situations, and defend territory.. The self is the sum of these divergent forces within us, creating a unique individual

The Feminine has been driven under by masculine power, choking on war, now resting in the subconscious.. under the assumption that the feminine values must be subservient to masculine demands for quotation power..Just as death in a dream signifies something unrealized in the subconscious.. Power without love becomes brutality, feeling without masculine strength becomes woolly sentimentality

By not integrating the feminine, and clinging to the dominant patriarchal attitude , the morholt arises and demands tribute.. The feminine becomes unconscious and active in ways we cannot control

Two things are required for a hero, a sword and a harp- The sword is the discriminating intellect, logical and critical faculty in the mind, assertive and strong. The harp represents the power to develop a sense of values, affirm what is good and true, and appreciate the beautiful, putting the sword in service of a noble ideal.. without the sword, the harp becomes ineffectual, without the harp, the sword is reduced to egotistical brute force

“ I would like to try the sea that brings all chances… To what land no matter, so that it heal me of my wound” Tristan

only what is separated may be properly joined…

The truth Western man unconsciously and involuntarily seeks in romantic love, which is not love but a complex of attitudes about it, seemingly seeking a special reality revealed another, feeling completed ennobled, spiritualized and uplifted, is actually the search for the inner truth of one’s own soul

Symbols do not flow from the unconscious to tell us what we already know, but to show us what we have yet to learn

Man has reduced his religion to platitudes in favor of the mystery of romantic love, a power surging from the depths of the unconscious to seize us against our will

A man’s anima, created from the feminine experience of his life, casts projections as Maya, the imago, draws him into life as his greatest danger, demanding from him his greatest effort- which if he has it in him, she will receive

A man must relate to the outer world from the strength of inner wholeness, not search aimlessly outside for a meaning that he can find only in the solitary pathways of his own soul

Do not demand the goddess at the point of a sword, appropriating the anima as an appendage of our ego, an ornament for our personas, only to fly off following other projections once she has been discovered as human, she must be treated as equal and honored.. by humanizing anima we lose sight of our soul, by trying to make women divine we lose sight of their humanity and rob them of their womanhood

Are deceits often express our deeper unconscious needs and desires, that we are unable to consciously acknowledge

The endurance of darkness is the preparation for great light” (St. John of the Cross, 2008

My hands on her chest

Feel the flames deep within,

Her love a holy Fire consuming

Darker sins..

My lips offer worship to the sea shrine of her eyes,

The divine structure of her face

Like A goddess undisguised

Twin-flame hearts split spirit-soul deep,

Consumed with flaming passion, now left unable to sleep

Rip-roar-Eros running, through heart-head-heart soul,

as if to consume my being, down to bare marrow and bone..

To exit the forest of Morois..break the spell

..Build a sacred teepee for the white bison woman, do not sexualize her as an appendage of my ego world..keep the bell in the basilica

Becoming complete means each of us must develop both sides of the psyche, the ability to handle power and to love, to exert control and to flow spontaneously with fate… Each value in its season

The self is the sum of all the divergent forces energies and qualities that live within you and make you who you are… A unique individual

A real relationship requires only affection and commitment, not ephemeral romance, and not perfection seeking- but committed to she of the white hands, real, a true woman.. And he must live his own soul, not experienced through a woman..(return the soul to the inner king) The naked sword between me and isuelt is my consciousness and the individuality of my own life, lived separate and distinct from her.. but while we need individuality, we also need a relationship to particular person, because to be fully an individual means also to be fully related, the capacity for which grows in proportion to the development of self

Sacrifice is about giving up possession on the wrong level in order to return it to the correct domain of possession, like in misplacing the divine love by pursuing ephemeral idealized images of anima projections instead of integrating the feminine into the inner experience of anima and affirming the value and sacredness of a woman as she is

Love is feeling directed at another, not one’s own passion… It desires the well-being and happiness of one’s beloved

Illusion is a distorted relationship between inner and outer, like when anima becomes maya as men put their soul into finite spaces

Love is a state of relatedness connectEd to another, affirming and valuing them as they are, their intrinsic value, leading us to honor and serve rather than using for our own ego purposes

The dream of wisdom under glass , out of reach but inside

*Add test results to taking the test

Saint Julian, my story, lineage, destiny l

(A dream:)

No fear, lush green health either side, you will not plunge helpless into a vast abyss



God can’t be found in a place of stagnation, within a system gone stale,

“God isn’t here”

protobation is a stirring towards progression, and is required to move a system forward..but pervasive probation is not the cure for the puer, god is nowhere, one must slog, the slog is the search for homeostasis?

Nature reflects the psyche..they are the same processes

God is the penultimate complex, used to justify the darkness of man

Kabbalists symbolize a sequential process on which the Jungian Tarot is predicated, through a divine representation within the macrocosm, and within the microcosm, it is produced by the creator, who is outside of the sequence, and who, theoretically and continuously revitalizes the process… integral components are the father, the mother, and the son: who is the resolution of conflicting dualities and the daughter: who is the receptacle in which the activities the primary 3 Take place. She is the material condition and the physical body, all symbolism consistent with Jungian psychology

Jung’s definition of the collective unconscious is as follows :

In addition to our immediate consciousness, which is of a thoroughly personal nature, and which we believe to be the only empirical psyche, there exists a second psychic system of a collective, universal, and impersonal nature, which is identical in all individuals. This collective unconscious does not develop individually, but is inherited, it consists of pre-existing forms, the archetypes, which can only become conscious secondarily and which give definite form to certain psychic contents (personal unconscious consists of complexes, as opposed to archetypes in the collective)

-Or more simply, they are deposits of the constantly repeated experiences of humanity-

It is that the borders of our mind are ever shifting, and that many minds can flow into one another, as it were, and create or reveal a single mind, a single energy. That the borders of our memories are just as shifting, and that our memories are a part of one great memory, the memory of nature herself , and that this great mind and great memory can be evoked by symbols. -William Butler Yeats

The Grail:

Whom does the Grail serve?

What a strange question! Hardly comprehensible to modern ears! In essence the question is the most profound question one can ask: where is the center of gravity of a human personality; or where is the center of meaning in a human life? Most modern people, asked this question in understandable terms for our time, would reply that I am the center of gravity; I work to improve my life; I am working toward my goals; I am increasing my equity; I am making something of myself — or most common of all — I am searching for happiness, which is to say that I want the Grail to serve me. We ask this great cornucopia of nature, this great feminine outpouring of all the material of the world — the air, the sea, the animals, the oil, the forest, and all the productivity of the world — we ask that it should serve us. But no sooner is the question asked than the answer comes reverberating through the Grail castle halls — the Grail serves the Grail King. Again, a puzzling answer. Translated, this means that life serves what a Christian would call God, Jung calls the Self, and what by many terms we have devised to indicate that which is greater than ourselves.

Another language, less poetic but perhaps easier, is available. Dr. Jung speaks of the life process as being the relocation of the center of gravity of the personality from the ego to the Self. He sees this as the life work of a man and the center of meaning for all human endeavor. When Parsifal learns that he is no longer the center of the universe — not even his own little kingdom — he is free of his alienation and the Grail is no longer barred from him. Through he may come and go from the Grail castle during the rest of his life, now he will never be alien to it again.

The object of life is not happiness, but to serve God or the Grail. All of the Grail quests are to serve God. If one understands this and drops his idiotic notion that the meaning of life is personal happiness, then one will find that elusive quality immediately at hand.

(Add poem to older section):

Demons circling behind my eyes.. turning blue to black, there is a flame cast by them, I am desperate to be bathed in this holy light, I try to add my own fuel to this fire cast from their lips and spilling from their hearts, but I only succeed in dulling it, my casting a pale shadow on this glow..I need to swim in my own waters, the deep pools of my inner thoughts, and be very discerning about what is shared from within my own inner sanctum..how to be of greatest service to them, as I no longer can find myself in kinship with them, how to be there peer

Psychic energy can manifest itself in three ways, as instinct, as ego consciousness, and as investment in the self

The highest form of worship is simply to be happy, complex man lost to the simple attitude of happiness has not yet understanding that God is what is, remains stranded in his worry, loneliness, anxiety, trapped by nostalgia for the past or anticipation of a future that mostly eludes his grasp

Jung warns of attempting to make a regressive restoration of the persona, retreating back to simple consciousness

Like Don Quixote, relinquish the sword in favor of spirit, for what is heroism if not poetry? Trust in the anima to bring life and light to the journey

Falling under the spell of a dragon, or bad mood, usually originates in unresolved psychological dynamics that men have with their mother complexes beginning in childhood… These are the windmills for Don Quixote

If one will simply treat a woman like a lady, she will often respond by being one

He who understands the masculine and keeps to the feminine, shall become the whole worlds channel - Lao-tse

Tolstoy wrote that hamlet was suffering. The anguish men suffer when they persist in understanding a task impossible for them – not from its inherent difficulties, but from its incompatibility with their own nature… this above all, to thine own self be true

Three dimensional men are often caught in words and are hesitant to act

Hamlet failed to incorporate his shadow into his working life, staying poised between his two natures, ego and shadow, dying a tragic death

The fourth dimension begins with becoming wise enough to know that you know nothing, reaching the top of the ladder, only to find that it was set up against the wrong wall

The most salient affect of a heavenly vision, or Angelic Experience is to constellate the shadow

It is only when creation, Brahma, and destruction , Shiva, are both present that wholeness is possible

The true transformation of opposites is the process of tempering, not one triumphing over the other

We have become so materialistic and enamored of the power of will that we refuse to relinquish what is irretrievably out of reach, there is no literal solution to an unlived life, what has passed has forever passed, man cannot be redeemed from unfulfilled life by any literal rebirth, only what can be redeemed by the water and the spirit, the world of imagination and symbol

Further progress is only possible after realigning the egos place in life, the relocation of the center of gravity, the personality to something higher than one’s self

Odysseus at first allows himself to be seduced, but it turns to addiction and despair, a slave to impulsive sexual desires, using sex as a tranquillizing sedative for anxiety, and orgasm as a form of shock treatment for depression and numbness..I was Odysseus under Circes/calypsos spell

"Porn isn't the issue, the issue is that you're not living your life the way you want to"

A man must relate to the outer world from the strength of inner wholeness, not search aimlessly outside for a meaning that he finds, at last, only in the solitary pathways of his own soul.

Love is the power within us that affirms and values another human being as he or she is. Human love affirms that person who is actually there, rather than the ideal we would like him or her to be or the projection that flows from our minds. Love is the inner god who opens our blind eyes to the beauty, value, and quality of the other person. Love causes us to value that person as a total, individual self, and this means that we accept the negative side as well as the positive, the imperfections as well as the admirable qualities. When one truly loves the human being rather than the projection, one loves the shadow just as one loves the rest. One accepts the other person in totality.

Human love causes a man to see the intrinsic value in a woman; therefore love leads him to honor and serve her, rather than to try to use her for his ego's purposes.When love is guiding him, he is concerned with her needs and her well-being, not fixated on his own wants

and whims.

If a man's libido goes to the unconscious, the less it goes to a human being; if it goes to a human being, the less it goes to the unconscious.

But if it goes to a human being, and it is a true love, then it is the same as if the libido went directly to the unconscious, so very much is the other person a representative of the unconscious, though only if this other person is truly loved.

Jung believed that loving such a woman, one inherently astute in the ways of the unconscious, binds the personal affections with the dictates of fate. Loving her provides a beacon to the Self.

…For there is a boundary to looking. 
And the world that is looked at so deeply 
wants to flourish in love.

Work of the eyes is done, now 
go and do heart-work 
on all the images imprisoned within you; for you 
overpowered them: but even now you don't know them. (Rilke) - An excerpt from Rilke to contemplate

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The feminine principles:

The "elimina- tion of the psychic factor" from consciousness necessarily leads to exteriorization and collectivization, for the psyche is the inner life and the basis of individuality (7). In medieval mysticism the soul is the organ for the experience of God and the "birth of God"; man thus reaches the centre in himself and at the same time in the "primal ground". The modern "mystical" urge does not strive for "soul" but for "gnosis", for "superior knowledge", and thus imitations of "eastern wisdom" of all kinds are consequently in sway. The "soul", i.e. the psyche, is the feminine principle, the principle of relatedness, while "logos" abstracts and generalizes the individual The valuation of the soul corresponds to that of the woman,

They might be referred to as the psychic forms of the mother and spouse, the hetaira (companion, friend), the Amazon and the medial woman. In common with the psychological functional types is the contrary direction of their axes (i.e. personally or impersonally related) and the fact that, as a rule, one form is the predominant one., and may be joined by another, while the third and fourth are at first unconscious and can be made conscious and integrated only with difficulty and during the later part of life.

Hetiera acts working a reciprocal exchange of energy

Eros is the force that attracts, connects, and binds all beings. In opposition, Thanatos is the death drive, that tries to separate and destroy what Eros connects.

Ares and Aphrodite together are a most potent combination, providing focus to the strong deliberate arm of war, love of homeland and nobility of sacrifice giving beauty to an otherwise ignoble bloodlust, service in the name of that which holds no personal honor

What do YOU bring into the drift..

I release control

And surrender to, the flow

Of love

That, will heal me

Dream interpretation, the image is in service of WHAT- the OBJECTIVE image has an ontological meaning

Can I offer this sense of pride as my sacrifice..pride..non-generative

Her beauty long missing from the fires deep within

Slowed by her stillness, her breath cleansing dark sin

She moves through the trees, while bells sound from on high

Felt spirit soul deep, her breath like a sigh

In All of the stories, the hero gets lonely

Now

is the time to show what your made of,

I am happy to be alive

Don't be so down, c'mon young homie

You'll be okay, you'll find real love

All of the stories, the hero gets lonely

Now is the time to show what you're made of- Cudi

Where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god, (dancing on our backs?)

Where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves, (but don’t let you voice be silenced, losing your muchness)

Where we had thought to travel outward,

We will come to the center of our own existence, (it was within all along)

And where we had thought to be alone,

we will be with all the world (the collective)

⁃ Joseph Campbell

Heroes use hardship to redeem their destiny,

Suffering ceases to be suffering the moment it finds a meaning, suffering has meaning if it changes you for the better, an exceptionally difficult situation gives man the opportunity to grow spiritually beyond himself -Viktor Frankl

“to stand on the meeting of two eternities, the past and future, which is precisely the present moment”

-Walden

“All men want, not something to do with, but something to do, or rather something to be”

-Walden

It little profits, that an idle king,

by this still hearth, among these barren crags,

Match’d with an aged wife, I mete and dole

Unequal laws into a savage race,

That hoard, and sleep, and feed, and know not me - Tennyson

Coniunctio: "An alchemical symbol of a union of unlike substances; a marrying of the OPPOSITES in an intercourse which has as its fruition the birth of a new element. This is symbolised by a child that manifests potential for greater wholeness by recombining attributes of both the opposing natures. From Jung's point of view, the coniunctio was identified as the central idea of alchemical process. He himself saw it as an ARCHETYPE of psychic functioning, symbolising a pattern of relationships between two or more UNCONSCIOUS factors. Since such relationships are at first incomprehensible to the perceiving mind, the coniunctio is capable of innumerable symbolic PROJECTIONS (i.e. man and woman, King and Queen, ... Sol and Luna)."

We have come to know man as he really is. After all, man is that being invented the gas chambers of Auschwitz; however, he is also that being who entered those gas chambers upright, with the lords prayer or the Shema Yisreal on his lips

-Frankl

It is easy enough to drive the spirit out of the door, but when we have done so, the salt of life grows flat..it loses its savor

-Jung

The goddess preceded the sky father

Less is more..less me, more them

Does that make sense..do I make sense..

So long as you don’t live

Thus “ die, and be transformed!”

You will only be a gloomy guest

on this dark earth

-Goethe

Hubris is the refusal to accept one’s own destiny. -Rollo May

"Anxiety, the illness of our time, comes primarily from our inability to dwell in the

present moment."

The urge to individuation gathers together what is scattered and multifarious and exalts it to the original form of the One

-Jung

Do not quench the spirit

(In what way is the dream)

Shape without form, shade without color, paralyzed force, gesture without motion…

-T.S. Eliot

The one goeth to his neighbor because he seeketh him-self, and the other because he would fain lose himself. Your bad love to yourselves maketh solitude a prison to you.

-Nietzsche

Take the sea that gives all chances

Cast yourself into the drift

We have lost touch with the sacred, life has become profane homogeneity

The channel for the numinous, the sacred, poetry and the natural world are gateways

Stop. Breathe. Give and Receive

Empires do not suffer emptiness of purpose at the time of their creation, it is when they have become established that their aims are lost and replaced by vague rituals

The collective unconscious has become manifest, motion now without meaning

The abyss is pregnant

You have about you a purposeful savagery

I weep in this moment for the life I did not live, never have I stood, sword in hand, naked blade, high on the hill, atop the mountain, the bodies of my enemies, broken upon the hillside before me, the line of my people laid out before me calling to me bidding me take my place among them, in the halls of Valhalla, I’ve wasted my days with plans and ideas of many things, never have I faced certain death with a smile on my lips, never have I knelt barefoot in the mud in utter humility surrendering my pride and sacrificing what could be for what is … being deemed unworthy of entry into the halls of heroes

<Echoes of past events nudge the tiller on my present course I await its reflection in the future>

The weight of my ineptitude, the hollow motion of my days void of the meaning I so seek, searching like a man without light for lost keys in dark corners of my mind, leaving me restless and hungry for an unknown weight to fill a crumbling facade of self erected to the idea of me